What is a life coach, how does it work and how do you choose one?

Life coach: the term is everywhere, on social media, in magazines, on business cards that could hardly be more different from each other. No wonder people wonder what it really means, and how to tell serious support from an empty promise.

I am a life coach, sophrologist and hypnotherapist in Bordeaux. Before that, I spent years working in start-ups until I burnt out, and it was while getting back on my feet that I changed direction. I know what it is like to be at a turning point without knowing where to start. Here is what a life coach is, how coaching works, what it does not do, and how to choose one.

What is a life coach?

A life coach supports someone who wants to change something in their life and cannot manage it alone. Changing jobs, getting work and personal life back in balance, making a decision that keeps dragging on, regaining confidence after a difficult period, getting better organised.

The coach's main tool is questions. A coach does not tell you what to do. They help you see more clearly what you want, what is holding you back and what you can do right now. You make the decisions and you take the action. The coach helps you stay on course.

Life coaching is different from executive or career coaching, which focuses on working life, although the two often overlap. People do not come to me "for their career" or "for their private life": they come because something is stuck, and it usually affects both.

Why people see a life coach

The requests I hear most often at my practice sound like this:

• "I want to change jobs, but I don't know what to."
• "I can't keep on top of everything any more, I need to get things in order."
• "I have a decision to make and I've been going round in circles for months."
• "I'm going back to work after time off and I'm afraid of slipping back into the same patterns."
• "I feel invisible, I don't dare say what I want."

That last one comes up often, and I write about it in my article on feeling unappreciated. In every case the common thread is the same: the person is broadly doing well, but they are stuck, and they want to move forward.

How coaching works in practice

Every coach has their own way of working. Here is how I work, so you have a concrete idea.

The first session

We start by getting to know each other and setting out what you are asking for. What brings you here, what would you like to change, how will you know it has changed? That last question matters. "Feeling better" is a starting point, not a goal. "Having made my decision about this career change within three months" is one.

The following sessions

Then we move forward step by step. I ask questions, rephrase, and reflect back what I hear. We look at what has shifted since last time. Between sessions you leave with something to do: a step to take, something to try, something to notice. It is between sessions that change really happens.

As I am also a sophrologist, I sometimes bring in breathing or relaxation exercises when stress is taking up too much room to think clearly. You do not make good decisions while holding your breath.

How long it takes

There is no standard length. A specific decision can be worked on in a few sessions, a life transition takes longer. What matters is to review the original goal regularly, and to stop once it has been reached.

What research says about coaching

Coaching is very popular, but the research on it is thinner than you might think, and I would rather tell you so.

A meta-analysis by researchers at the University of Central Florida pooled the studies on workplace coaching. Like earlier ones, it concludes that coaching is effective for work outcomes. But the authors also point out that coaching has had little empirical research and that a real "science of coaching" has yet to be built.

A Dutch study gives a more concrete picture. Fifty-seven doctors who volunteered had six individual coaching sessions over about ten months, and were compared with fifty-seven doctors who had none. The coached group reported less exhaustion and more self-compassion. The study was not randomised, and the participants had chosen to be coached, which limits how far the result can be generalised.

My takeaway: coaching can help, especially when the goal is clear and the person is ready to commit. It is not a miracle, and a coach who promises to "transform your life" in a few sessions is claiming more than they can know.

Coach, therapist, sophrologist: who does what

This is an important question, because it saves you from knocking on the wrong door.

A therapist, whether a psychiatrist or a professional with a protected title, has university training. They are trained to assess and support psychological distress. If you are in distress, crying every day or having dark thoughts, see your doctor or a therapist. In France, the national health insurance even covers, through its Mon soutien psy scheme, up to 12 sessions a year with a partner practitioner, at €50 per session reimbursed at 60%, for mild to moderate psychological distress. You can book directly or go through your doctor.

A coach works with someone who is broadly doing well, towards a goal. Coaching works on the present and the future, not on past wounds. Coaching does not replace medical advice, or ongoing support from a therapist.

Sophrology works through the body: breathing, relaxation, the way you experience your emotions. It often complements coaching well when stress or tiredness is getting in the way. If you are coming out of a period of exhaustion, my article on burnout symptoms can help you see where you stand, and see your doctor first if needed.

Choosing a life coach without getting it wrong

In France, coaching is not a regulated profession. France compétences, which keeps the national register of vocational qualifications, says so in black and white: practising as a coach is not subject to any specific national or international regulation. The profession organises itself around federations, codes of ethics and registered certifications. In practice, anyone can put "coach" on a business card. Hence the value of asking a few questions.

Questions to ask

• What training do you have, and is it certified?
• Do you follow a code of ethics? Are you supervised?
• How does coaching with you work, how many sessions usually, at what fee?
• What do you do if you think my situation calls for a different professional?

The answer to the last question tells you a lot. A serious coach knows their limits and knows when to refer you to a doctor or a therapist.

Warning signs

Be wary of a coach who guarantees the outcome, asks you to pay upfront for an expensive programme, pushes you to distance yourself from the people close to you or to stop a course of treatment, or presents themselves as the only one who can help you. That is no longer support.

Feeling at ease matters too

Beyond qualifications, you are going to talk about personal things. You should feel comfortable, listened to and respected from the very first session. If you do not, it is not your fault, and you are entitled to look for someone else. A first session is also there for that: to check that the coach's way of working suits you before you commit to several appointments.

Where to start

Before you even contact a coach, take ten minutes to write down what you would like to be different in six months. Not what you no longer want, but what you do want. That one sentence will be your starting point, whatever support you choose.

If you would like to move forward with me, I offer life coaching at my practice as a life coach in Bordeaux, on rue Ducau, and online life coaching for people who live further away or are short of time. A session costs €80 for one hour or €120 for 90 minutes: all my fees are on the pricing page. I also offer couples coaching when the change involves two people. And if you would like to know more about my background, it is on my about page.