How to improve your sleep: 5 simple steps when stress gets in the way

Wanting to improve your sleep is one of the things I hear most often at my practice, even when it is not the reason people first come to see me. We talk about stress at work, mental load or tension at home, and ten minutes in, the same sentence comes up: "And I'm not sleeping well."

I am a sophrologist, hypnotherapist and wellbeing coach in Bordeaux. Before my burnout, I knew those nights when you fall asleep exhausted and wake at three in the morning with tomorrow's to-do list already running. Sleep is often the first thing to go when stress settles in. Here are five simple steps to help it, and some pointers on when you should see a doctor.

Why stress gets in the way of sleep

To fall asleep, your body has to lower its guard. Stress does the opposite: it keeps you on alert. Inserm, the French national institute for medical research, describes a state of "hyperarousal" in people with insomnia, with increased activity in the stress response system. In other words, the body stays on watch when it should be winding down.

Inserm also explains how a bad patch becomes a lasting one. Stress or overwork triggers a few bad nights. Then habits creep in to compensate: lying in bed for longer, going to bed earlier, waiting anxiously for sleep. Those habits are what keep the problem going. Insomnia is called chronic when it happens more than three times a week for at least three months, and it is thought to affect 15 to 20% of the population.

In a way, that is good news: part of what keeps bad nights going comes down to habits, and habits can change.

1. Keep regular hours, especially in the morning

This is the least exciting advice and the most effective. Get up at the same time every day, weekends included, however the night went. France's national health insurance, the Assurance maladie, puts this first to reset your body clock, along with getting daylight as soon as you wake up.

We tend to do the opposite: after a bad night, we stay in bed to "catch up". The next evening we feel less sleepy, fall asleep later, and the cycle continues. Your wake-up time is your anchor. Your bedtime should follow tiredness: go to bed when you are yawning and your eyelids are heavy, not because it is ten o'clock.

2. Prepare your evening rather than your night

Sleep starts in the afternoon. The Assurance maladie advises avoiding stimulants from 2pm onwards (coffee, tea, caffeinated drinks, cigarettes), cutting down on alcohol, and choosing a light dinner without going to bed hungry.

Move during the day, but avoid intense exercise after 5pm: it raises your body temperature and delays sleep. The same goes for a very hot bath right before bed, which the Assurance maladie also advises against.

A buffer at the end of the day

What I often suggest in sessions is a small transition ritual, because we go far too quickly from the laptop to the pillow. An hour before bed:

• dim the lights and switch to warm lighting;
• put your phone in another room, with notifications off;
• jot down whatever is on your mind for tomorrow, so you do not have to hold it in your head;
• pick a quiet activity: reading, soft music, a few stretches.

The evening note is what changes things most for the people I work with. The list exists on paper, so it no longer needs to go round in your head.

3. A bedroom made for sleeping

The Assurance maladie recommends an aired bedroom, around 18 to 20°C, dark and quiet. It also suggests keeping your bed for sleep: no TV, no work, no screens, no meals in bed.

That last point is underrated. If your bed is where you answer emails and scroll through social media, your brain links it with being awake. The aim is for it to become, over time, the signal that you can let go.

If you share your bedroom, the Assurance maladie suggests individual bedside lamps that you can angle, and separate duvets if needed. These are small adjustments, but they stop you waking each other up when you do not keep the same hours.

And if you tend to doze off in front of the TV on the sofa, the Assurance maladie advises against that too: you then wake up to go to bed, and broken sleep is hard to get back.

4. Let your body relax once you are in bed

This is where sophrology has the most to offer. Once you are lying down, your body often holds on to the day's tension: clenched jaw, raised shoulders, knotted stomach. Here is the exercise I give most often for bedtime. It takes five to ten minutes.

Evening breathing

Lie on your back with one hand on your stomach. Breathe in through your nose, letting your stomach rise, for a count of four. Breathe out slowly through your mouth or nose for a count of six, then eight if that feels comfortable. Do not force anything. Do about ten breaths. Making the out-breath longer helps your body leave alert mode. I share more breathing ideas in my article on managing stress and emotions.

The body scan

Then move your attention through your body, from head to toe. Forehead, eyes, jaw: let go. Neck, shoulders: let them sink into the mattress. Arms, hands, stomach, back, legs. At each area, on the out-breath, imagine the tension draining into the mattress. When a thought comes, and it will, simply return to where you were, without judging yourself.

5. What to do when you wake up in the night

Waking at 3am is the classic stress pattern. Thoughts start up on their own, and the harder you try to get back to sleep, the less it works.

The Assurance maladie suggests a simple approach. First, try to get back to sleep without getting up, by focusing on your body and relaxing: this is the moment for the evening breathing. If sleep does not come back, get up, go to another room with dim lighting and do something calm. Go back to your own bed, not the sofa, as soon as you feel sleepy again. If you wake early in the morning, get up for the day.

Two habits to drop: checking the time and picking up your phone. Working out how many hours are left before the alarm only adds stress.

The Assurance maladie also points out that an occasional bad night is nothing serious: the body increases deep sleep the following night to make up for it. I say this often in sessions, because the fear of sleeping badly is sometimes enough to keep you awake.

When to talk to your doctor, and what sophrology can offer

Talk to your doctor if your sleep problems come back several nights a week for weeks, if you are tired or drowsy during the day, if you snore loudly or someone tells you that you stop breathing at night, or if your sleep is getting worse alongside sadness or anxiety that will not go away. The Assurance maladie explains that treating insomnia starts with lifestyle habits and with addressing any underlying cause, such as depression, pain or sleep apnoea. Sleeping pills, if your doctor thinks they are useful, are for a short period only.

For chronic insomnia, the reference approach is a specific form of cognitive behavioural therapy delivered by trained professionals. A meta-analysis of 20 trials involving 1,162 adults found that it cut the time taken to fall asleep by about 19 minutes on average, and time spent awake at night by about 26 minutes, with effects that seemed to last. Your doctor can refer you.

Sophrology does not replace medical advice. It comes alongside, when stress is at the heart of your restless nights. In sessions we work on what keeps you awake: tension in the body, thoughts going round, evenings that end too late. Together we build your bedtime ritual, and you leave with exercises to do in bed. If your tiredness comes with deeper exhaustion, you may also want to read my article on burnout symptoms.

I see people at my practice as a sophrologist in Bordeaux, and I also offer online sophrology. Depending on the person, hypnosis, at my practice only, or life coaching to reorganise overloaded days can also help. To get started, have a look at how sophrology for adults works. And tonight, pick just one step from this page and stick with it for three weeks.