Managing stress and emotions: simple exercises and warning signs

People often ask me how to go about managing stress and emotions when everything starts to run away with them: the tight throat in a meeting, the tears that come over a harmless comment, the irritation that comes out too loudly at home. If you are reading this, you may feel more on edge than usual, without really knowing where to start.

I am a sophrologist, hypnotherapist and wellbeing coach in Bordeaux. Before that, I spent years working in start-ups, until I burnt out. I did not see it coming. Or rather, I saw everything and did not want to look at it. It was while I was getting back on my feet that I discovered sophrology, and that is why I go on about these warning signs so much.

Here you will find what stress does to your body and your emotions, how to spot your own signals, four exercises I teach in my sessions, and clear pointers on when you need to see a doctor.

Stress and emotions: what happens in the body

Stress is not a weakness. It is the body adapting, so that we can react when our surroundings change. The INRS, the French reference body for health and safety at work, describes it in three phases. First comes the alarm: the body releases adrenaline, the heart speeds up, alertness rises. If the situation goes on, resistance follows, with other hormones keeping energy available. And if it goes on even longer, exhaustion sets in: the body is overwhelmed.

Emotions are part of this movement. Fear, anger and sadness are not malfunctions. They tell us something: that we feel threatened, hurt, or that something is missing. Feeling them is not the problem. The problem starts when the body stays on alert for so long that everything becomes a threat, and the slightest annoyance sets off an outsized reaction.

That is often where I was, towards the end. I reacted to an email as if it were a fire. Looking back, my body simply had nothing left in reserve.

Short-lived stress and stress that settles in

The INRS draws a clear line between the two on another of its pages about stress. Acute stress is linked to a specific event, such as speaking in public or an important appointment, and it fades soon afterwards. Chronic stress builds up day after day, with the feeling that what is being asked of you is more than you can give. That is the kind that wears you down, and makes emotions harder to hold.

Why you cannot manage emotions through willpower alone

When the body is on alert, the part of the brain that reasons has less of a say. Telling yourself to calm down does not work, as you probably already know. What works better is going through the body: breathing, movement, physical sensations. That is exactly where sophrology comes in.

Spotting your own warning signs

Everyone reacts to stress in their own way, as the World Health Organization points out in its questions and answers page. But some signs come up again and again. The INRS lists changes that can appear within a few weeks when stress goes on:

• in the body: headaches, aching muscles, digestive discomfort, disrupted sleep, changes in appetite, a feeling of tightness in the chest;
• in your emotions: nervousness, heightened sensitivity, crying spells, sadness, a general sense of not feeling right;
• in your head: trouble concentrating, forgetfulness, unusual mistakes.

The WHO adds a sign people tend to overlook: drinking, smoking or using other substances more, because it gives the illusion of a breather.

Your own signals

In sessions, I always ask the people I work with what their first signal is. Not the strongest one, the first one. For some it is a clenched jaw. For others it is shoulders creeping up towards the ears, or the urge to snack around five o'clock. That first signal is precious, because it is the moment when a two-minute exercise is still enough.

I suggest you look for yours this week. Three times a day, whenever it crosses your mind, ask yourself one question: where am I feeling something, right now? Write down the answer in three words. After a few days, a pattern almost always emerges.

Four exercises for managing stress and emotions day to day

These are exercises I show people in sessions and that they then practise on their own. None of them needs equipment or special clothing. Pick one or two, not all four: one exercise done every day is worth more than four tried once.

1. The long out-breath

Breathe in through your nose while counting to four. Breathe out through your mouth, gently, counting to six or eight. Repeat five to ten times. That is all.

There is a reason I put so much weight on the out-breath. A review of fifteen studies carried out at the University of Pisa shows that breathing slowly, at fewer than ten breaths a minute, goes hand in hand with better heart rate variability, more relaxation and less anger and anxiety in healthy people. If you like this exercise, heart coherence breathing is a more structured version of it.

2. The two-part sigh

I keep this one for moments when things rise quickly. Breathe in through your nose, then take a second small breath on top of the first, as if to top up your lungs. Then breathe out very slowly through your mouth, all the way. Two or three rounds are enough to feel a difference.

In a randomised trial, researchers at Stanford compared several breathing exercises practised for five minutes a day over a month. The "cyclic sigh", very close to this one, improved mood more than five minutes of mindfulness meditation. One study does not make something true, but it matches what I see in my practice.

3. The shoulder shrug

This is a dynamic relaxation movement, done standing or sitting. Breathe in as you lift your shoulders towards your ears, hold your breath for two seconds while gently clenching your fists, then let everything go at once as you blow out through your mouth. Let your arms drop. Stay for a few seconds and notice what you feel in your upper back. Do it three times.

Many people discover with this exercise that they have been carrying their shoulders high since the morning without realising. It is a good test for the signal I mentioned earlier.

What if it rises at the wrong moment?

In a meeting, on the phone, in front of your children, you cannot always close your eyes and breathe out loudly. It is the question I am asked most after a first session. The good news is that the long out-breath can be done without anyone noticing: simply breathe out slowly through your nose rather than your mouth. You can also press your feet discreetly into the floor, feel the weight of your body on the chair, and unclench your hands under the table.

If you feel you are about to reply too quickly, give yourself some time. "I will get back to you this afternoon" is a perfectly acceptable thing to say. It gives your body time to settle, and gives you time to choose what you really want to say.

4. The five senses pause

When your thoughts are going round in circles, bring your attention back outside. Look around you and name five things you can see, four you can hear, three you can touch (your feet in your shoes, the back of the chair), two smells and one taste. It takes a minute and it breaks the loop.

Naming what you feel instead of silencing it

Like many people, I was taught to just get on with it. At work, showing an emotion was seen as unprofessional. So I learnt to grit my teeth. The result was that the emotion did not go away: it came out somewhere else, later, often at the wrong person.

Naming an emotion is almost the opposite. A brain imaging study from the University of California found that putting feelings into words, when looking at negative images, reduces activity in the amygdala, a part of the brain closely involved in fear responses. Saying "I am angry" calms things down a little, whereas going over and over the anger keeps it alive.

An exercise for the evening

Before going to sleep, take a notebook and answer three questions in a few lines:

• What was the strongest thing I felt today?
• When was it, and where did I feel it in my body?
• What did I need at that moment?

Look for the right word. "Stressed" is vague. Worried, hurt, swamped, disappointed, impatient: each one means something different and calls for a different response. Do not reread or correct anything. The aim is not to write well, it is to get out whatever is going round in your head.

If writing really does not appeal to you, do it out loud, while walking or in the shower. What matters is looking for the word, not the format. Some people also prefer to talk about it in the evening with someone close, one sentence each: what was hard today, and what felt good.

The people I work with often tell me that after a few evenings, they notice a need that keeps coming back. Calm, recognition, time for themselves. That is a far more useful lead than "I am stressed".

What else helps, beyond the exercises

The exercises relieve the pressure in the moment. But if you practise them on a background of short nights and days without a break, you are bailing out a bucket that fills faster than you can empty it. The WHO lists a few simple supports, which I recognise from my own experience.

Sleep and routine

Go to bed and get up at regular times, limit screens before sleep, avoid caffeine and alcohol in the evening. None of this is spectacular, and it is often the first thing to look at. When I was sleeping six hours a night, no breathing exercise could have made up for it.

Moving

The WHO reminds us that regular physical activity helps reduce stress, and walking counts. Twenty minutes on foot at lunchtime is also a way of releasing through the body what the emotion has stored there.

Talking to someone

Sharing what you feel with someone you trust is one of the WHO's recommendations. Not so that they fix the problem, simply so that you are not carrying everything alone.

Looking at what is really stressing you

The exercises help you cope. They do not change an impossible workload or a relationship that is hurting you. The INRS is firm on this point when it comes to stress at work: you need to act on the causes, not only on the reactions. Sometimes managing stress also means saying no, asking for help, or changing something.

When to get support, and from whom

Everything I describe here can be learnt on your own. But there are times when it is not enough, and it is important to recognise them.

When to see your doctor first

See your GP if your sleep problems, tiredness or sadness have lasted several weeks, if you can no longer work or look after yourself, if you are drinking more or taking more medication, or if you are having dark thoughts. In that last case, do not wait: talk to a doctor or someone close to you straight away. The WHO points out that stress can trigger or worsen anxiety or depression, which need medical follow-up.

Sophrology does not replace medical advice, nor follow-up by a health professional when it is needed. It can come alongside it, never instead of it. If you recognise yourself in the signs of burnout, talk to your doctor about it first.

What I can offer you

When stress has been there for a while without taking over everything, or alongside medical care, sophrology sessions help you make these habits your own. Together we look for your signals, choose the exercises that suit you, and fit them into your real day, not an ideal one. If you would like to know what actually happens, I have described how a sophrology session works.

I see people at my practice as a sophrologist in Bordeaux, on rue Ducau, and I also offer online sophrology for people who live further away or are short on time. My background and training are set out on my about page.

In the meantime, choose just one exercise from this page, the one that speaks to you most, and do it every day for a week. Note what changes, even slightly. And if you would like to go further, you can book sophrology for adults. I would be glad to welcome you.