Feeling like an impostor: where it comes from and how to move forward

"Sooner or later they'll realise I'm not up to it." I hear this sentence, or one of its cousins, often in sessions. Feeling like an impostor means having the job, the qualifications and the positive feedback, and still being stuck with the impression that you're there by mistake, or by luck.

I'm a coach and sophrologist in Bordeaux. Before that I spent years in start-ups, at a pace that took me all the way to burnout. I know those environments where everyone compares themselves all the time and nobody ever feels they're doing enough.

Here you'll find what this feeling covers, what feeds it, how to tell it apart from useful doubt, and some simple exercises to help you take your place again.

Feeling like an impostor: what are we talking about?

People often call it "impostor syndrome". The term was coined in the late seventies by two American psychologists, based on high-achieving women convinced they didn't deserve their success. Since then, we've learnt that it isn't only women.

A review of 62 studies covering more than 14,000 people found rates ranging from 9 to 82%, depending on the measuring tool used. That huge gap tells us something simple: there's no clear line between passing doubt and an impostor feeling that spoils your life. The authors also note that both men and women are affected, from teenagers to people late in their careers. The review was funded by a healthcare company, which is a reason to read it with a little distance.

It isn't a medical category. It's a way of looking at yourself, often an old one, that wakes up at certain moments.

What I hear in sessions

The situations are very similar. A promotion, a new job, a career change, setting up a business. Sometimes simply joining a team where everyone seems more sure of themselves.

The people I work with rarely describe laziness or incompetence. They usually describe the opposite: long days, files checked three times, finding it hard to say "I don't know" in a meeting. A compliment makes them uncomfortable. A success gets put down to chance or to the team. A mistake, even a tiny one, becomes proof that they should never have been there.

And the body often follows: a tight throat before speaking up, a knotted stomach on Sunday evening, broken sleep the night before a presentation.

Where the feeling comes from

There's no single cause, but a few patterns keep coming back.

Perfectionism

If the bar is set at "perfect", anything that is merely good looks like failure. An umbrella review of the impostor phenomenon lists perfectionism among the main risk factors, along with belonging to a minority group in your field and very hierarchical workplace cultures.

Your personal history

Growing up with the idea that you had to "earn" attention, being the one who never made waves, being the first in your family to go to university: these paths sometimes leave a small voice saying "this isn't for you".

The stage of life you're in

The feeling mostly wakes up during transitions. That makes sense: when you change roles, you lose your bearings, and you compare yourself with people who are ten years ahead.

Useful doubt or impostor feeling?

Not all doubt needs silencing. Doubting before a new assignment is healthy: it pushes you to prepare. The question is whether your doubt helps you or freezes you.

A few markers I use with the people I work with:

• Is the doubt about a specific skill ("I haven't mastered this tool yet") or about your worth in general ("I'm not cut out for this")?
• Do the facts back it up? Feedback from your manager, results, the work you're trusted with.
• Does it shrink as you learn, or stay the same whatever you do?
• Does it push you to act, or to avoid (not applying, not speaking, putting things off)?

Specific doubt that shrinks as you progress is a good guide. Global doubt that ignores the evidence is more likely to be an impostor feeling.

Exercises to take your place again

These exercises won't make the doubt disappear overnight. They help you stop letting it decide for you.

Breathing before you speak

Before a meeting or an important appointment, put both feet flat on the floor. Breathe in through your nose for a count of four, then breathe out slowly through your mouth for a count of six. Do this five times. Then feel the weight of your body on the chair. It's a very simple sophrology exercise, and it often changes the voice you start speaking with.

The evidence notebook

Every evening for three weeks, write down two things you did well that day and what they say about your skills. Not "I was lucky the client agreed", but "I prepared the meeting and I answered their objections". On the day the doubt comes back, read it again. Facts weigh more than an impression.

Talking to yourself like a friend

When you catch yourself judging yourself harshly, ask what you would say to a friend in the same situation. Then say it to yourself. It sounds naive. Yet in a trial with 227 students, four weeks of self-compassion exercises like this reduced impostor feelings and perfectionism compared with a group that did nothing.

Reliving a success

Here's a visualisation exercise I often suggest in sophrology sessions. Sit down, close your eyes and let a moment come back when you did something well, and knew it: a project finished, a difficult conversation handled calmly, an exam passed. Find the place again, the sounds, the posture of your body at that moment. Stay with that feeling for a minute.

Then gently press your thumb and index finger together, as if to hold on to it. Before something that worries you, repeat the gesture while breathing slowly. It isn't magic: it's a way of reminding your body that it already knows what feeling competent is like.

Accepting a compliment

Next time someone congratulates you, just say "thank you". No "oh, it was nothing", no instantly handing the credit to someone else. Notice what it does in your body. At first it's uncomfortable. Then it gets easier.

When your workplace plays a part

It would be unfair to put everything down to your psychology. Sometimes you don't feel legitimate because you never get any sign of recognition, because you've inherited a role without the means to do it, or because the atmosphere is all about constant comparison.

The INRS, France's national occupational health and safety institute, lists lack of recognition among the psychosocial risk factors at work, along with an imbalance between the effort you put in and what you get back. In that case, working on yourself has its limits: you also need to talk to your manager or the occupational health service, or consider leaving.

And if the doubt comes with tiredness that won't go away, damaged sleep or a wish to give everything up, take it seriously. These are signals I know well. Coaching and sophrology do not replace medical advice: in that case, see your doctor first.

Getting support

You can make progress alone with the exercises above. But it's sometimes easier to untangle things with someone else: spotting where the small voice comes from, separating what's down to you from what's down to your environment, and preparing in concrete terms for the meeting or new role that worries you.

In life coaching, we work on your goals and beliefs, with specific actions between sessions. Sophrology brings the other half: teaching your body to stay steady when the pressure rises. I often use the two together. To see how I work with emotions, you can read my article on managing stress and emotions.

I see people at my practice on rue Ducau for life coaching in Bordeaux, and also remotely through online life coaching. You can read about my background on the about page. The first session is mostly about getting to know each other and setting out what you'd like to change. You have nothing to prove that day, which, for once, is rather restful.